Bringing up a prenup with your partner might not win any “Most Romantic Conversation” awards and asking for one can make things even more awkward. It’s no wonder many couples find the whole prenup talk a bit intimidating!
If you’re reading this, I assume you’ve come to the decision that setting up a prenup is the right move for yourself and your partner, but don’t quite know how to breach the topic.
That’s why we’ve put together our top tips to help the dreaded prenup conversation go as smoothly as possible.
Like any conversation you go into hoping to convince somebody something is the right thing to do, you’ll want to have the knowledge to back yourself up.
So, prepare some answers to the following questions:
If you can go into a discussion already prepared with answers to these questions, it should make the conversation easier. Write your answers down if you think it will help you.
It’s important to remember there is nothing wrong with asking for a prenup, but if emotions do run high when you try and have the discussion, your research should help you explain your reasoning without getting tangled up.
While you’re coming into the talk with your motivations for a prenup clear, your fiancé might not be. They may even feel blindsided if it’s never come up in conversation before.
So, take the time to see it from their point of view.
Be open to their opinion and talk it through with them, don’t shut them down straight away. Either simply listen to them and give them time to think it over – remember this is the first time they’re hearing about you wanting a prenup, or you can reassure them.
While you should never rush into a prenup, the agreement should be signed at least 28 days before the marriage with all assets and property owned by both parties disclosed, so don’t avoid the conversation for too long.
You shouldn’t go into the conversation with what you want included in the prenup set in stone, you should be willing to compromise.
Let your partner know that they also have a say in what you are including in the agreement – after all marriage is supposed to be a partnership.
Never bring up the idea of a prenup during an argument. The chances are much higher that your partner will respond negatively and defensively during a fight as emotions are already high – you’ll only be adding fuel to the fire.
You should also avoid bringing up a prenup while either one of you is stressed for similar reasons. When you’re stressed, you’re not necessarily thinking with a clear and open mind so you’re less likely to get a positive outcome.
While you should never rush into a prenup, the agreement should be signed at least 28 days before the marriage with all assets and property owned by both parties disclosed, so don’t avoid the conversation for too long.
Pick the time and place wisely—ideally, somewhere private and relaxed. Trust me, your parent’s anniversary party is not the place for this chat unless you’re aiming for the most awkward moment of the evening!
If your partner doesn’t seem sold on the idea, or even if they do seem open to it, encourage them to seek their own advice.
You’ve had the opportunity to do your own research and ask professionals for advice, now it’s their time to do the same.
Keep in mind that prenuptial agreements are not legally enforceable across the UK (except in Scotland). If the court determines that one party was coerced into signing, it can disregard the agreement.
You don’t have to sort out your prenup there and then, so you should have plenty of time to discuss a fair and mutually beneficial agreement either between yourselves or with the help of a family lawyer guiding you through the process.
Final thoughts
While there is no perfect way to bring up the idea of a prenup to your fiancé, using these strategies should make it a little easier.
There is also no guarantee that your partner will agree to get a prenup, even when given all the information and hearing the benefits. You can’t force them into it, and if you try it will likely have a negative impact on your relationship.
This blog is part of a wider series about prenups, so if you would like to know what you can include or what you can’t include in your agreement, these blogs are available for you to read now.
If you would like further advice on how to talk to your partner about a prenup or you and your partner would like assistance putting one together, get in touch with our team today.
